Month: August 2010

Statements

Think the Answer’s Clear?

Look Again

That’s a headline from the NYTimes this morning. Subtitile: Scientist at work: Dr. Donald A. Redelmeier.

As an Internist who works at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto, Canada’s largest trauma center, he’s figured out that talking on a cell phone while driving is just as dangerous as driving while intoxicated (I knew that).

He’s also figured out that changing lanes is not a good idea – those other people are not really going faster than you, it just looks that way (I didn’t know that and I still think they are going faster, but I’ll think about it).

And be careful about driving on Election Day or Super Bowl Sunday, because there are more accidents on those days (OK, that’s news to me).

Other things he researched and learned — If you are applying to college, don’t go for an interview on a rainy day (I don’t have to worry about that).

And Academy Award winners live longer than the runners up (I don’t have to worry about that, either).

But, more than what he came up with, I am more interested in how he comes up with it and what he’s derives from his discoveries.

“He’ll go totally against intuition, and come up with a beautiful finding,” said Eldar Shafir, a professor of psychology and public affairs at Princeton University, who has worked with Dr. Redelmeier on research into medical decision-making. (Next time, I have an intuition about something, I think I’ll try going the other way on purpose…).

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint,” Redelmeier said. “A great deal of mischief occurs when people are in a rush.” (Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. How many times do I have to tell myself that?)

And how about this?

In 1990, he and Professor Tversky published a paper in The New England Journal of Medicine showing that when physicians make a medical decision for a single hypothetical patient, they favor more expensive treatments than when making a decision for a group of hypothetical patients with similar symptoms. And in 1996 the two scientists found that increased arthritis pain had nothing to do with the weather. They attributed the misperception to the human tendency to look for patterns even where none may exist. (Next time I go to the doctors, I’m going to say: “I need to know this (or that), because all my friends have this problem and they need to know what to do…”)

And what about this?

Dr. Redelmeier takes the results of his research seriously. He rides his bike to work, and when he does drive, he resists “small temptations to change lanes.” (I’m going to try that in real life.)

This particular study intrigued me, too, because, in the past, I’ve thought long and hard about it.

Dr. Redelmeier is currently looking at attention deficit disorder among teenage drivers, and whether, like epilepsy, the disorder should be considered a medically reportable condition.

I saw that one clearly when my youngest daughter was learning to drive. I thought it was a no-brainer that kids with ADD or ADHD shouldn’t drive, and talked to her driving instructor, an ex-cop, about it.

He said, “Nah, she’ll be ok. Just get her to take her medicine.”

I wanted her to turn her license in. Of course, she said, no. It was many accidents later – thank god, not serious ones – that she finally got the message to slow down, and not to drive on top of the car in front of her…

So, thoughts to take away? I am not driving in the wrong lane. I am not going slow, and I should be going slower. Intuition is not it’s all cracked up to be, beware of patterns, I’m making it up, and, next time I interview, I’ll cancel if it’s raining.

Dreaming

Long Jim

Long Jim

I was dreaming of Long Jim Russell the other night. He was teaching a class on something interesting, although I can’t remember what, and I had the pleasure of being one of the teacher’s pets – but, of course, everybody in that class was teacher’s pet. (And his name was not really Jim Russell, but it might as well have been.)

At one point during class, we all had to do a little play on a story-book character. Me, about midway through the presentations, I said out loud, (right after someone else who wasn’t prepared had just taken his seat — and was going to get a talking-to by Long Jim later – on the phone – bad form to dress someone down in public).

I said, “Who am I supposed to give my presentation on?”

Long Jim looked at me and mouthed, “Jim Russell.” I couldn’t make it out, and turned to a classmate for help.

“Jim Russell,” my fellow classmate said.

Thank God, I knew about Jim Russell. And now that I think about it, I could make up anything I wanted about him, anyway…

…And it would be true.

The thing is, I had been reading a Time magazine article about him — it had been swiped before I was able to finish, but I had read enough to get by (and I wanted the magazine back). The part that I sort of remember reading was that Jim had piloted a biplane into a living room, and had plowed into a life-sized leather sculpture of a cow that was perched on the grand piano.

He was that kind of guy, you know. Sort of out of Great Gatsby, without the depression, or Indiana Jones, the archeologist who could fall into a pit of poisonous snakes and make it out ok.

So, I could say, “Well, everyone knows Jim Russell – We have our very own rendition lazing about teaching our class. Look no further.”

Thank god, I’d be able to manage, even though I’m having the “Here-I-am-again, in the old I’m-late-for-class – there’s-a-test-today, and I-haven’t-studied dream.

But who gives a damn? You don’t have to prepare, if you are going to give your presentation on Jim Russell!

Jim sent me down the hall to look for someone, and while I was at it, I searched for the magazine, but I couldn’t find it.

Oh, well.

But enough side-tracking. “Sure, I can give my talk,” I said to Jim. “No problem.” And I started for the front of the classroom.

“Not now. When I call you,” Jim said, dashing my hopes of getting the darn thing over with – he was going to call me last – or next to last. That’s what happens when someone thinks you are less scared than the others because you’ve done it before – so everybody else gets the break – know what I mean?

Anyway, at some point, I had heard that there was a teaching position open at a small college, and I knew that Jim was going to be offered the job. I told Jim about it — warned him you could say — and he had just rolled his eyes in disdain.

And then, there we were, Jim and I at lunch with the college president, who was obviously looking for a lead-in. I gave it to him.

“I heard there’s a job opening at the college,” I began… the college pres jumped right in. “Yes, he said and, I finished for him, “And you want Jim to take the job.”

“Yes,” the college pres said.

Jim started gesturing with his hand, like he was trying very hard to coerce a “yes” out, but couldn’t. He’d open his mouth and close it. Looked very sorry. But no words were coming out.

“The answer is obviously, No,” I finished for Jim.

I had a great deal of fun. It’s terrific to be teacher’s pet, especially when he’s dashing, handsome, fortune’s child, and dressed in Lauren and Gucci.

Ps. Jim is a friend of Jack Daniel and Johnny Walker. Did you know that? I definitely have a crush on him, but, of course, would never tell him…

Goings on

How to eat a cupcake

Eating cupcakes

1. Choose a pack of small cupcakes, that way you can eat more without feeling guilty.

2. Pick one, preferably with the most icing on it.

3. Peel off the paper (unless you like paper).

4. Bite off the cake part.

5. Then, eat the icing all by itself.

6. Lick your fingers.

7. Repeat

Statements

Winter never goes south

Dark winter days are depressing. Brick buildings look horribly dead under gray skies and surrounded by denuded sleeping trees. All the world is overcast, and, I remember — looking out the hotel window —  that I wanted to cry. I feel waves of sadness just thinking about it.

All seems like misfortune with no promise of change. Maybe it’s the stillness that is so sad. Maybe it’s the fact that life, when it is completely colorless, is flat and not worth living.

Florida garden without the green

Maybe it’s that there are no shadows. No contrasts. Nothing green. Everything is dead, and there is absolutely no promise of spring. The word does not exist. The concept does not exist.

Caught in that dead place, I felt stuck, and thought that I would be looking out of that hotel room forever.

I am struck by that even today.  Although I live in a place that is eternally green, I find that I rarely make the time to enjoy it —  I do glance out occasionally and appreciate the  beautifully blue sky, or at sunset, with brilliant splashes of color spilling across it. Uplifting! No wonder people  return to Florida each winter!

Winter, I realize, does not have to be so damned. Looking at a country scene, cleansed by snow, winter is beautiful. It’s the city scapes that frighten me — the time before the snow, or after, when the dirt mixed with water makes the world feel like mud, a kind of wet, cold, clinging dirtiness that is horribly unpleasant.

Well, now, I was thinking about death and knowing that I was going to die…

Slowly, I saw my parents rid themselves of life. My mother especially. I watched her disassociate and come to accept her death. She didn’t know that she was dying, that’s the strange part.

My father, always quiet, became even more quiet. At the end, his arms and hands flew around, like they no longer belonged to his body. I thought he was afraid, and I wanted to quiet him, but the hospice nurse told me that moving like that was a part of death. I did not see that with my mother. My dad had a harder time dying. There was more pain, more knowledge, and a harder acceptance.

Me, I’ll probably be like that old lady I saw in Rome — the mean one dressed in a long black dress with the cane. She walked down the street  cursing (even though I don’t know Italian, I knew she was cursing). Rather than use her cane as a crutch, she used it as a weapon, flailing it around in front of her, parting the crowd. Making way.

A grumpy old woman. That’s what I’m afraid I will become.

Which reminds me. This year, I will direct my cane with precision, and, if I fail,  I will go to Oregon and get a job at a grocery store. End of story, and, now that I think about it, not a bad ending, at all!

Goings on

Blending, processing, juicing

If I were dispensing advice, I would say, take care of your blender… my comments follow the video…

You know, maybe my son is right. Maybe, I am the one who keeps him here, although I surely didn’t do it on purpose.

In a way, he is amusing. Or I should say, interesting and thought provoking, because no way do I understand him.

Here is a guy who doesn’t have the money to get his car out of the repair shop. And everybody knows how a guy feels about his car…

And what does he do? He buys a blender.

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

It’s got five speeds! He enthuses. What power!

Then, do you know what he does? He loses it.

How do you lose your brand new blender?

So, then what does he do? He uses my food processor, of course.

And overheats the darn thing, flipping it out, and it refuses to work…

Where is your blender? I ask him.

Oh, I left it someplace, he said, nonchalantly.

(Oh where would you take two pieces of a three-piece blender? Maybe you know. I certainly don’t)

Fearing for my food processor, I say, Do you want me to take you to get it?

Nah, he says. Did you say you had a juicer somewhere?

This morning, I see, the blender is sitting next to my coffee pot on the counter.

I am glad.

I take care of my things, even my stupid food processor. Is that a female thing? Taking care of what you care about? And why the heck do I care about my stupid food processor, anyway? You can only “pulse” it. Turning it all the way on get’s it excited and makes it poop out. And it completely lacks the power of my son’s blender…

I see now, that, not only do I not understand my son, but I am a total mystery, too. Maybe I Do keep him around on purpose.

ps. the video, by the way, was passed on by my friend, Dennis Vogt, right after I wrote this. So, I put them together — it’s a blender thing.

Dreaming

Another, what the

I saw him sculpting

I dreamed of a Far Eastern boy. Chinese or Japanese? Chinese, I think.

While being transported, something went wrong, and the whole group he was with were either killed or scattered. He, though, was somehow saved and protected.

First, he was used to carry secret messages, and at one point, saw someone from his ill-fated group who recognized him – she was working as some sort of tour guide for wealthy clients.

I also saw him painting and sculpting — getting the attention from his teachers because of his skillful execution.

What will this boy become? He is special. Observant. And has an unnamed gift that he has not yet developed – I think he has the ability to behold god.

Goings on

More from Martha

This came in an email from Martha…

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Check out their new livery!

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

From a Kulula employee: ” Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a, “Thanks for flying our airline.” He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Why, no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”

Heard on a Kulula flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town, The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax… OH, MY GOODNESS!” Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger then yelled, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!”

Goings on

I can’t tell…

…Hannah, because her mother  objects to me using words like “bitch” in front of the kids, and they don’t know about this site.

But, I do think that, for fun, I should post Hannah’s and my video…

The back story — I saw the IPhone video with tons of “bad words.”

Here’s the link to the bad word version

I cleaned up the story and told it to Hannah who thought it was the most hilarious story ever and asked me to repeat it over and over. So, I said, let’s video it and you can watch it whenever you want.

It served some purpose and, for a while, I did not have to retell the story, but it wasn’t long before Hannah started needling me to see the real version. No, I told her, too many cuss words and your mom will get mad at me. Guess what she said… I don’t care. I just want to see it!