B and I thought it would be a good idea to collect Martha’s observations, comments, sayings, etc… so, here’s the first.
Martha said while leaving the table to get more coffee… “Ok, don’t say anything interesting until I get back.”
Random Blogging
A new Nicolism
Nick has decided to go vegan, but he misses cheese.
Hmmm. he thought. Avocado is a kind of mild alkaline thing and grapefruit is acidy. So, he put the two together on a cracker, and he says it tastes like blue cheese!
Haven’t tried it yet, but think it’s an interesting idea.,,,
i saw this years ago. I wonder if oscar is still a star attraction!
with this very nice long article… as a cat trainer, he put his daughter through college…
I loved “Outsource This!” from the Jan, 23 edition of the New Yorker.
I’ve cut and pasted it below (and here’s the link to the story)
More often than I’d like, our conversations seem to be about social media and how it works!
For example (setting, last Friday night at wine bar. Music playing loudly and hard to hear each other)
Martha: ??? Do you understand this? If you like me on my facebook page, you can get an excerpt of my new book, but I’ve been clicking it and nothing happens.
Me: I don’t see any link.
Clare emails: Martha, tell Christine to … (you get my drift)
new conversation (dinner after art opening 11:30 p.m. Thursday night):
Carol (artist friend who works all night, and goes to sleep at 4 or 5 a.m.): “Does anyone want my IPhone class at 7:30 tomorrow morning?
There are no takers. Me. Carol, that’s your bedtime.
Carol: I know. What was I thinking?
Another conversation. back at the wine bar.
Me: I don’t get twitter. I don’t really have the time to read all that stuff people twitter about.
Clare: Well, I’d never follow you. I don’t care what you have to say. I live next door to you…
And it goes on and on…
OUTSOURCE THIS! By Gary Shteyngart
@Shteyngart Like most busy mega-celebrities, I’ve decided to outsource my tweets.
#Outsourced2India Namaste, everyone! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart from NYC, USA!
#Outsourced2India Savoured some excellent aloo parathas at the test match against Pakistan.
#Outsourced2India I meant to say, enjoyed a bang-up FilletO’Cheese at the NJ Giants Sporting Centre. Go, squadron!
#Outsourced2India Looking out my window I can see the No. 6 train, pulling out of Union Square Terminus.
#Outsourced2India So many people clinging to the No. 6 train today! They must be heading to their villages for Diwali holiday.
#Outsourced2India Just found out they’re out-outsourcing the Real Gary to Italy because the rupee is strong & euro about to collapse.
#Outsourced2Italy Ciao, tutti! I am the Gari Autentico. I make the tweet about my real life in a new york.
#Outsourced2Italy O Madonna! My mistress and my mother shes fight about where to make the ski, Cervinia or Monte Bianco.
#Outsourced2Italy Brought laundry to my mama, she also wash the shoe, and we plan my 63rd birthday party with the cake and the stripper.
#Outsource2Italy Oggi I go to the bank but they say I have none the money. I vote Berlusconi 10 years, how this happen?
#Outsourced2Italy Porca miseria! My mistress is the Calabrese she make a violence on my face and now my wife she see.
#Outsourced2Italy I buy the lighter from the Nigerian at the mercato and give to my Filipina and now she is on fire. Che disastro!
#Outsourced2Italy Autentico Gari commence the 6-week ski in Monte Bianco. I out-out-outsource to Belarus. Ciao, ragazze.
#Outsourced2Minsk Hello. It is Real Gary. I am depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Still depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk and depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Just drunk.
#Outsourced2Minsk Best friend Oleg throw me out of his Lada. He beat me. I beat him. Depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk with Oleg. Now he is Best Friend FOREVER. I am so happy. Depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Ice fishing with BFF Oleg. He throw me in hole. I beat him. Depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Wife leaving for Moscow to be “hand model.” Very depressed.
#Outsourced2Minsk Got 10 years in labor camp for wearing wrong shirt to parade. Whatever. Outsourcing continues to Korea.
#Outsourced2Seoul Annyeong haseyo! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart, ranked 1,546th important American writer.
#Outsourced2Seoul Today Pastor Choi say Jesus have 2.2 billion followers, I have only 5,165. I feel a big shame in front of pastor.
#Outsourced2Seoul I must get Science of Tweeting Ph.D. at Dongguk University. This give me “leg up.”
#Outsourced2Seoul Stayed up 72 hours studying @AlecBaldwin tweets. He is top successful American, probably went to Harvard.
#Outsourced2Seoul Going out to Lotte World with pretty Ewha graduate Hong, Eun-hee!
#Outsourced2Seoul Find out Hong, Eun-hee parents want only Korea Tech graduate for Eun-hee and also Methodist. I feel a big shame.
#Outsourced2Seoul Appa compare me with my cool younger brother Dong Min (Dougie) who already tweet for Jennifer Weiner. I feel a big shame.
#Outsourced2Seoul Umma say I must make tweet funnier. Today my leg crushed by truck because I was thinking abt work! HA HA Now in hospital.
#Outsourced2Seoul Tweet boss say I am not A-team. I am maybe B-team or C-team. I feel a big shame in front of him. Also family.
#Outsourced2Seoul Standing on Mapo Bridge over Han River. I have no wife, no car, no top college degree, no leg. Wish I could outsource myse
#Outsourced2Seoul Last tweet was over 140 characters. Please accept my sincere apologies for this horrible mistake. Goodbye, cruel wo ♦
not great. Parents hated it. Kids weren’t impressed. One voice option only, sort of a cross between a robot and a munchkin…
the night goggles. Terrible. (Here’s my original post...)
They were from National Geographics, too. I don’t know what I was expecting. Something high tech? These were very uncomfortable, with a teeny little flashlight on the bridge over the nose. I think I was expecting to see things kind of green. No. Could barely see anything. Did like the earphone thingy, though. Enhanced the night sounds. Probably liked it because I had no expectations…
The little rings from National Geographics were kind of cool. A whole package for under $25.
All three generations of us had fun with two games, though, Telestrations and Would You Rather. Telestrations is kind of like Telephone, but with Illustrations. And Would You Rather posed dilemmas, and you got to pick which one you’d like to struggle with.
His mother…
Here’s my entire day project yesterday…
…and I finally made last christmas’s video (2010). I am catching up!
ok, i should be doing other things, but a facebook friend got me going, here.
See this link about walking on glass
Isn’t that the best? especially the question and answer format…
and I like the family portrait of the glass walkers.
I also like the fact that the meditation calls for 40 champagne and wine bottles.
and how about the question, “is it ok to walk on the glass alone?”
also, although the glass is for walking, wear protective gloves and glasses while preparing your glassy bed, and have your spiritual teacher bless it before you use it. always a good idea….
Don’t forget to get a nice pedicure and pick out a good color polish. 
Saw these the other day, and am just now getting around to putting them up, and too late, most likely, because you’ve already bought them, but anyway… This year’s winner of the TOADY Award is the (following) learning tablet (along with TOADY’s comments. I’ll put mine in red):
TOADYs awarded by Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood
Vinci Touchscreen Mobile Learning TabletPrice: $479
Recommended Age: 4 and underVinci, the first “iPad” designed especially for babies — $479 may seem like a lot, but that’s a small price to pay for the tranquility that comes when your infant is virtually lobotomized. Make dinner in peace. Better yet, go out for dinner. The Vinci’s hypnotic apps are designed to guarantee that Junior won’t even know you’re gone. Plus, the Vinci makes lots of bogus educational claims, so you can join the company in pretending that screen time is great for your little one.
I don’t know what to think about that one. Did you see Martha’s find here from Media Bistro?
Here are the other winners…
I Am T-Pain Mic
Retails for: $39.99
Recommended Age: 7+
Worried that your seven-year-old is the only kid on the block who doesn’t know the words to “I’m in Love with a Stripper” or “Take Your Shirt Off”? Remedy that with the I am T-Pain Mic. For just $39.99, this amazing microphone will transform the voice of your child to sound just like rap star and auto-tune aficionado T-Pain – and introduce him to T-Pain’s lyrical world of misogyny, drinking and drugs. “A lot of kids don’t have cellphones, (so) in order to reach everyone, I’m taking it to where it can be a toy,” the rapper explains. Thank you, T-Pain, for your dedication and service to our children.
(Darn! I already bought the voice changer — mine came from National Geographics. Will report on what it sounds like later…)
Monopoly – Coca Cola 125th Anniversary
Collector’s Edition
Retails for: $39.99
Recommended Age: 8-10 years
Why give your kids the classic version of America’s favorite board game when you can immerse them in an ad for Coca Cola? No more fighting about who gets stuck with the iron or the hat; choose from “collectible” tokens like a Coke bottle, Coke can, or even a Coke polar bear. Sign an agreement for exclusive “pouring rights” on Boardwalk…and collect 39 grams of sugar every time you pass “Go!” Recommended for ages 8 and up, even though Coke execs swear they do not target kids under 12. Type 2 diabetes sold separately.
Monster High Ghoul Spirit Fearleading Doll 3-Pack: Draculaura, Cleo de Nile and Gholia Yelps
Retails for: $42.99
Recommended Age: 6+
Want to scare the pants off your six-year-old? Mattel’s Monster High Ghoul Spirit Fearleading Doll 3-Pack will do the trick. And they’re guaranteed to frighten the heck of you, too. Not because the dolls are ghouls and vampires, but because the company that gave the world Barbie packs so many damaging sexualized stereotypes into one creepy package. Behold the horrors of impossibly thin body types; recoil from the micro-mini-skirts, booty shorts, and fishnet stockings; shriek in frustration, because—in Mattel’s world—girls are always relegated to the sidelines. Better yet, run screaming as fast as you can from these monstrous “fashionistas.”
WWE Colossal Crashdown Arena
Retails for: $38.99
Recommended Age: 6+
Normally CCFC would be opposed to a World Wrestling Entertainment toy for six-year-olds. After all, toys are one of the primary ways that the WWE markets its unique blend of bullying, violence, homophobia, and misogyny to young children. But the Colossal Crashdown Arena is so ridiculously pathetic that it could be the toy which actually turns kids away from the WWE forever. Don’t believe us? Check out the promotional video where even the presenter can’t hide the fact that this is one seriously lousy toy.
I had made these little cream cheese cupcakes. Nick and I were attacking them.
Nick: We shouldn’t be eating these.
Me: I know. Do you want another?
Nick: Yes
Me: Me, too.
Bitch Rag 